A man was drinking alone at the bar.

“How come I never see you in here with Phil anymore?” the barman asks him.

“Well, would you drink with a bloke who’s a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, never offers to buy a round, is jealous of everything you have and as soon as your back is turned he tries to fuck your wife and daughter?”

“Bloody hell, no!” says the barman.

“Well, neither would Phil.”