An old couple comes up before the judge in a divorce proceeding. Seeing how absolutely ancient they are, the judge just has to ask their ages.

“Well, your honour,” the old man says, “I’m 99 and my wife here is 97.”

“Wow,” the judge says. “How long have you been married?”

“I married Pearl three days after she turned sixteen, so that would be a little over 81 years.”

“Eighty-one years?!” the judge said, “incredulous.”

“Eighty-one years of pure torture,” the old man corrects.

The judge is stunned. “If it was 81 years of pure torture, why didn’t you file for divorce sooner?”

“Well, your honour,” the gentleman says, “I guess we have to admit it: we were waiting for the kid to die.”