Adventurous: has slept with all your mates
Athletic: flat chested
Average looking: has a face like an arse
Beautiful: pathological liar
Contagious smile: does a lot of prescription drugs
Educated: had the arse shagged off her by everybody at university
Emotionally secure: on medication
Feminist: obese
40-ish: 49
Free spirit: heroin addict
Friendship first: former slut
Fun: irritating
Gentle: boring
Good listener: autistic
Large lady: morbidly obese
Looking for soul mate: stalker
New Age: excessive body hair
Old-fashioned: no blow jobs or anal
Open-minded: desperate
Outgoing: loud and embarrassing
Passionate: sloppy drunk
Poetic: depressive
Professional: bitch
Romantic: frigid
Sociable: fanny like a yawning donkey
Voluptuous: super-morbidly obese
Widow: murderer
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