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She Was On A Skateboard

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.

St. Peter said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don’t, we’ll have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get. You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!”

St. Peter asked the first man, “How long were you married?”

The guy replied, “24 years.”

St. Peter then asked, “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”

The guy said, “Yeah, about 10 times… but you said I was forgiven.”

Peter said, “Yes, but that’s not too good. Here’s a Pinto for you to drive.”

The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter.”

Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Mercedes SUV for you to drive.”

The third guy said, “Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!”

Peter said, “Now that’s what I like to hear! Here’s a Jaguar for you to drive.”

A little while later, the two guys with the Mercedes and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearfully said, “I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!”

Filed Under: Jokes in the Heaven, Man and Woman Jokes

Heaven Test

An alcoholic, a miser, and a gay guy were waiting to enter heaven. But St Peter said: “With the lives you’ve led, you’ll need to be tested first.”

So they were sent off to prove that they could resist temptation.

The first stop was a bar where the alcoholic ordered a beer and, having failed the test, was immediately turned to ashes.

The other two saw a $10 bill lying on the floor. The gay guy said to the miser: “If you bend over now, we’re both goners!”

Filed Under: Jokes in the Heaven

A Royal Flush Beats a Pair of Queens

God summoned St. Peter and said: “Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However we have a number of high-profile celebrities waiting at the Gates. We should let one in.”

When St Peter checked, he found Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and Princess Diana waiting at the Gates.

St Peter explained: “Heaven is really overflowing at the moment, but I have been instructed by God to admit one of you, so you will each have to come up with a reason why you should be allowed in to heaven.”

Freddie Mercury said: “I was one of the world’s greatest rock singers, responsible for some classic numbers, and if I am admitted, heaven will resound to my great singing voice. I will write tunes that will touch the hearts of angels.”

Gianni Versace said: “I was Earth’s greatest designer. If I am admitted, will dress the cherubs and angels in the latest fashions. Heaven will never have looked better.”

“Now, Princess Diana,” said St Peter” what do you have to say?”

But Diana said nothing. Instead she just blushed shyly.

Then St Peter, announced his decision – he was going to admit Princess Diana to heaven.

Freddie and Gianni were furious and protested vigorously.

“Sorry, guys,” said St Peter, “but a royal flush beats a pair of queens any day.”

Filed Under: Jokes in the Heaven

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