Just Jokey: The best collection of jokes

Tight Dress

As the bus pulled up, Angie realized she was going to have a difficult time getting on. Her dress was too tight for her to step up, her hands were full of packages, and the line of people behind her did not seem to be in a charitable mood.

She realized that the best thing to do was to try to loosen her dress so, with great effort, she stretched her hand behind her and pulled the zipper down halfway. When that didn’t seem to help, she pulled it down the rest of the way.

Just then the bus pulled up and, still unable to ascend, she was both shocked and offended when a man standing behind her picked her up and put her on the bus.

Turning, she growled, “What right did you have to touch me?”

The man climbed on and said, “Well, after you pulled my fly down I kind of figured we were good friends.”

Red Light

Late for a return flight from Dublin, an American tourist in Ireland jumped into a cab. “Quick,” he said, “get me to the airport as fast as you can!”

The cabbie nodded and floored the gas pedal. Soon they were barrelling along at more than 70 miles an hour.

Just ahead a stoplight was bright red. The cab shot through the intersection without slowing down in the slightest.

“Are you blind?” shouted the tourist. “That was a red light!”

The cabbie was unfazed. “I don’t believe in red lights, sir, nor do any of my five cab-driving brothers.”

After two more hair-raising hurtles through red lights, the tourist was relieved to see a green light.

But right before the intersection, the cabbie slammed on the brakes.

“Are you insane?” yelled the passenger.

“That was a green light!”

“True, sir,” replied the cabbie. “But you never know when one of my brothers may be coming through.”

Bus Number 177

The villager on his first trip to the city was waiting at a bus stop one morning.

After some hesitation he asked a woman, “Which bus should I take for Mahim?”

“Bus Number 177,” the woman replied, and caught the next bus.

The same evening, the woman got off a bus at the same stop and found the villager still waiting. “Didn’t you get the bus to Mahim?”  she exclaimed.

“Not yet,” he said wearily. “So far 168 buses have come and gone-eight more before mine arrives.”

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