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You’re On The Skylight

A woman was staying at a hotel and she decided to go sunbathing on the hotel roof.

When she laid down to sun her back, her bikini top fell off. She didn’t care so much, though, because nobody ever came up to the roof anyway.

Which is why she was surprised when she heard footsteps. It was the manager from the restaurant.

“Ma’am,” he said, “we were all wondering if you could put your top back on.”

“Why? I’m not disturbing anybody.”

“Ma’am. You’re on the skylight.”

 

Filed Under: Jokes in Hospital

She’s Pregnant Too

A retired man went to a doctor for a general check-up. The doctor told the retiree that everything was fine and that, in fact, he was in real good shape for a man of 93.

“That’s good to know because I’m getting married in two weeks,” said the retiree.

“Getting married! That’s wonderful! Who’s the lucky bride?” asked the doctor.

The retiree replied, “She’s a 27-year-old bar maid I met at the local pub.”

“Only 27!” The doctor paused before he advised, “Then you will need some Viagra.” The man replied, “No way, I never take drugs of any type. It’s against my principles.”

The doctor took some more time before he responded with: “You are in good shape, but nevertheless you are 93. May I suggest that you and your wife take in a boarder?”

“Why a boarder?” asked the retiree.

“Well, you know, at your age,” winked the doctor, “you may not be able to do all the things a young woman would like a husband to do around the house. A boarder will be able to help.”

The retiree shrugged and said, “I guess you are right,” as he walked out of the office. A year later, the retiree, now 94, came back to the doctor for another check-up.

“How’s married life?” asked the doctor. “Amazing, it couldn’t be better. I should have remarried years ago.”

“How’s your wife?” asked the doctor.

“She’s doing fine,” announced the retiree, “and she’s pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” exclaimed the doctor. “I take it that you took in a boarder who has fit in quite well?”

“‘Yes, and she’s pregnant too,” grinned the retiree.

Filed Under: Jokes in Hospital, Man and Woman Jokes

Psychiatrist vs Bartender

Jackson went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure you.”

“How much do you charge?”

“A hundred dollars per visit.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Jackson never went back.

Six months later he met the doctor on the street.

“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.

“For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”

“Is that so! How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

Filed Under: Jokes in Hospital, Jokes in Pub

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