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Go to Heaven

On this particular day, the teacher asked her class “Which part of the body goes to heaven first?”

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God.”

The teacher praised the little girl.

Then a little boy raised his hand and answered, “I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnnie’s hand up.

“Oh no,” she thought, “I’m not like this at all…..” She knew he’d persist until she called on him, so with great reluctance, she pointed to Little Johnnie and said, “Ok, Johnnie, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?”

Johnnie considered the question for another moment, and replied, “Your feet.”

“Why do you suppose people’s feet go to Heaven first?” she asked.

“Well, I was walking past my parents’ bedroom last night, and my mom had her feet way up in the air and she was yelling, ‘Oh God, I’m coming!'”

Filed Under: Jokes in Campus, Kids Jokes, Man and Woman Jokes

Martian Swingers

A Martian couple landed on the earth. The emerged from their spacecraft and went up to a farmhouse.

They knocked on the door. When the farmer and his wife answered, they announced that they were from Mars and wanted to come in to chat.

The farm couple extended their hospitality and they all seemed to hit it off well.

After a while, the farmer said “Do you two swing?”

The Martian replied, “yes”, and so they swapped mates and adjourned for appropriate activity.

After the Martian man had climbed on, he said to the earth woman, “Is my dick long enough?”

She replied, “Well, now that you mention it, I would like it a little longer.”

He said “no problem” and proceeded to twist his left ear and, like magic, his dick got longer. “How’s that now?”

“One notch more” said the woman.

Her request was promptly complied with via another twist of the left ear.

His next question was “Would you like it a little thicker?”

She replied “yes” and he twisted his right ear once.

The woman said “That’s perfect!” and they proceeded to bang away.

The next morning the earth couple were comparing experiences and the husband said “how was it for you?”

The wife replied, “Super! How about you?”

The husband responded, “It was pretty good, but she damn near twisted my ears off!

Filed Under: Alien Jokes, Jokes in Bedroom, Man and Woman Jokes

Not Used

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater that you never wore even once because the colour didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore. Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?’ And so, here we are… “

Filed Under: Jokes in Bedroom, Man and Woman Jokes

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