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Speech Impediment

Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, “If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?”

“Yeah, sure thing,” replied his friend, “fire away.”

“Well,” said Santa, “why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?”

“It’s probably because of her speech impediment,” replied Banta.

“What do you mean her speech impediment?” inquired Santa, “My wife doesn’t have a speech impediment!”

“Well,” replied Banta, “you must be the only guy who hasn’t noticed that she can’t say ‘NO’!”

Filed Under: Jokes in Pub, Man and Woman Jokes

Hand Job

An man walks into a bar and sees a sign:

CHEESEBURGER: £1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: £2.50

HAND JOB: £10.00

He walks up to one of the three attractive barmaids:

“Yes?” she enquires with a smile. “Can I help you?”

“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”

“Well,” he replies, “go wash your hands and get me a cheeseburger.”

Filed Under: Jokes in Pub

Friendship

A man was drinking alone at the bar.

“How come I never see you in here with Phil anymore?” the barman asks him.

“Well, would you drink with a bloke who’s a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, never offers to buy a round, is jealous of everything you have and as soon as your back is turned he tries to fuck your wife and daughter?”

“Bloody hell, no!” says the barman.

“Well, neither would Phil.”

Filed Under: Jokes in Pub

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