“Come on now, Mr Bates,” replied the doctor, looking at the doddering old man, “Your sex drive is all in the head.”

“That’s what I mean. I need something to lower it.”

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The Irish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity.” So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, the oceans were teaming with fish.

The English guy was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity. Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye – POOF” there was a huge wall around England.

The Scot asks, “Please tell me more about this wall.” The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out.”

The Scot says, “Ach, fill it up with water.”

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“Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one.

The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter.

Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their ‘dogs’.

The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part… did you get…?”

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The first guy walks in and the boss says, “This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?”

And the guy says, “Well shit! You got no ears man!”

So the boss yells “Get the fuck out!”.

The next guy comes in and the boss says to him, “This job requires you noticing a lot of details.

What is something you notice about me?”

And the guy says, “That’s easy. You got no ears!”

So the boss says, to him, “Get the fuck out!”

As the second guy leaves he sees the third guy about to go in and says to him, “The boss has no ears so don’t say anything about them, he is really sensitive about it.”

When the guy goes in and the boss says, “This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one that you notice about me?”

The guy says, “Your wearing contacts!”

The boss says, “Yeah, how did you know?”

So the guy replies, “Well shit, you can’t wear glasses cause you got no ears.”

The post Job Interview on Details appeared first on Just Jokey: The best collection of jokes.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works… “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.”

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.”

The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman!

The post There Is No Way To Please A Woman appeared first on Just Jokey: The best collection of jokes.

“Now, Mrs. Kelly,” the priest allowed, “you’ve been the housekeeper here five years, and I’ve only been here a few days. Why not our roof and our furnace?”

Several weeks later, when the pastor was meeting with the bishop and several other priests, Mrs. Kelly burst into the office terribly upset.

“Father, Father,” she blurted, “there’s a mouse in our room  and it’s under our bed!”

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After some hesitation he asked a woman, “Which bus should I take for Mahim?”

“Bus Number 177,” the woman replied, and caught the next bus.

The same evening, the woman got off a bus at the same stop and found the villager still waiting. “Didn’t you get the bus to Mahim?”  she exclaimed.

“Not yet,” he said wearily. “So far 168 buses have come and gone-eight more before mine arrives.”

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CHEESEBURGER: ￡1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: ￡2.50

HAND JOB: ￡10.00

He walks up to one of the three attractive barmaids:

“Yes?” she enquires with a smile. “Can I help you?”

“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”

“Well,” he replies, “go wash your hands and get me a cheeseburger.”

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So Castro went to hell where the Devil gave him a warm welcome.

But then Castro realized he had left his luggage in heaven.

“No problem,” said Satan, “I’ll send a couple of my little devils up to fetch it.”

When the little devils arrived in heaven, they found that the Gates were locked and St Peter was at lunch. So they decided to climb the wall and get the luggage but as they did so, they were spotted by two angels.

One angel said to the other. ‘”Look at that! Castro hasn’t been in hell five minutes and we’re already getting refugees!”

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The audiologist confirmed it. “How much do they cost?” he asked her.

“As you might expect,” she said, “There’s quite a wide range. They run from $2.00 to $2,000.”

“Wow, the low end is lower than I would have ever guessed!” he said. “Let’s see the $2.00 model.”

The woman gave a knowing nod, and pulled it out of the closest drawer.

“You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket,” she said.

“How does it work?” the man asked.

“Oh now, come on! For $2.00 it doesn’t work!” she said.

“I don’t understand,” the man said.

“When people see it on you,” she said, “they know to talk louder.”

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